Dreaming with a broken heart : JV and unrequited desires

"When you dreaming with a broken heart.. Waking up is the hardest part"- John Mayer

So after reading the WU I caught up on the JV scenes from friday and epi today... First and foremost tg for small mercies they kept some medical facts alive. Multiple fibrosis does impact the uterine lining aka endometrium.. and Also one can only find out after a mock trial or starting the estrogen injections of IVF and regular ultrasounds how the endometrium is forming.. For fictional purposes they went through half a cycle and declared uterus unfit but in reality doctors play around with inducer options to see if the uterus can be made ready for implantation..

Science apart. The display of the basic pain and heartbreak of an unfulfilled dream, in fact the death of it and JVs silent tearful farewell to it.. hit hard.. I couldnt help shed a tear as Viren held a shattered Jeevika in the doc's cabin with a lone tear escaping his defenses in a cloud of their hazy dreams flashing by.. as flashbacks of their desires took over.. As distasteful as the abortion track was .. this was simply heartbreaking to see these two sitting huddled up.. helpless in the decree of fate.. 

Random OTT behna drama aside.. what I caught on while everyone was placating Jeevika for not being harsh on herself was Swamini's gaze on Viren.. while Jeevika's sorrow and heartbreak was heard and tended to .. there was one standing in the background whose dreams once again crashed amongst the "sounds of silence.." Reminded me of the Viren scene in the bathroom the night of abortion.. where he cried alone.. 

" And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am "

- Iris by goo goo doll

As he stood, pensive in front of the mandir trying to debate how to get through this especially how to come around for Jeevika I couldn't help choke at simply how lonely he is at times in the bane of his responsibilities as the elder son, husband and guardian/ guide to the younger lots in the family.. Virat may have come to lend company and try to share the pain but Viren.. as he is.. is a closed wall.. who in turn only helped Virat see some realities of life even through his toughest phase as he still stood alone with his broken dreams.. 

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"

- Iris by goo goo doll

Jeevika on the other hand, after her moment of venting with Manvi gathered her self and made it clear without doubt what exactly was "requiem for a  dream" .. not being able to have Her and Virenji's legacy.. more than the baby.. THEIR baby was the crux here.. Putting a brave front for the family, Jeevika always lay bare in front of her shield.. her mirror as she grabbed a dragging soul Viren (who was tired from his own grief..) only to use his shelter and cry for her loss.. their loss.. Although on the surface it seemed like they were collectively mourning their loss, somewhere it reminded me again of the night of abortion where Viren was there for her.. in spite of himself being imbalanced by the quirk of events.. As brilliant and hearbreaking as that 30 secs of JV scene was I simply hoped that Jeevika for a sec held her head high and wiped that lone tear of Viren's face.. coz he was lamenting just as much only silently.. 

The next day on the breakfast table.. he was still reticent, closed .. there for others but standing alone..  While the family mourned together .. Swamini and Dadaji's eyes had a special connect to Viren's alongside Virika's and the Wadera loss.. which filtered through.. in the way they Looked on.. in the way dadaji hugged the boy who has only been an embodiment of duty.. 

People complain most times that JV never have a happy track but quoting P.B. Shelley

"Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought."

The brilliance and diversity of Kryan filter in these moments of grief, sadness.. sweet misery.. 

signing off

P.S.- as the surrogacy nonsense begins.. I can't help but spare a moment to mourn over another loss.. the loss of a precious story in my mind which I pictured with Kryan as protagonists.. that I have to date half-narrated to 2.. one called it BOLD hahaha.. I don't think I'll gather time or motivation to ever write it.. but in wake of SM's next track it will just stand raped and ridiculed.. a poignant love-story of 2 incomplete yet valiant (aka BOLD) individuals.. somethings just ring better in my head..